Sensibility
by Elephantastiic
Summary: She was going to surprise him.
1. Surprise

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the SVU characters! They belong to Mr. DW. C:

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter One: Surprise<strong>

She is going to surprise him.

She left, again. She left without telling anybody, without telling him.

Again.

A sense of excitement and anxiety quickens her pulse. It's been about a month since she left and every part of her yearns to feel his embrace. She barely feels it; it's grown into an addiction for her. Something about his very touch makes her hair stand on ends and she loves it. It's intoxicating. He's intoxicating. She loves the rush she gets when she's near him. She wanted to tell him she was leaving. Hell, she wanted to take him with her but she couldn't. It would've risked a whole lot and it just wasn't worth it.

Six months since the divorce papers were signed and handed in. He swore it was for good, this time. It was for the better. He was tired of feeling like a disappointment to his wife and kids. The jealousy, anger, and stress. He wanted out and he wanted out permanently. He didn't hate Kathy. He didn't dislike her at all. Granted, they haven't spoken to one another in months but they aren't enemies. It was a hard process, for both Elliot and Olivia. To detach from a marriage that lasted over two decades tore Elliot apart everyday and to see him break down so often was just as hard for Olivia.

It was the five-month mark that made Olivia break away from her job, her friends, and Elliot. It was a case that raced against the clock involving a defenseless girl tortured, raped, and held prisoner everyday for two months. Elliot and Olivia only had four days after the report to save her. The fights, the frustration, and the doubt overwhelmed Olivia and Elliot both. The fourth day approached. Never has Olivia felt so much failure in her. They found the victim, dead, mutilated, and defenseless; the rapist, gone. The rattling of the chains that trapped this poor girl's limbs remained in her head for days after. She temporarily took another job until she regained her confidence.

She is going to surprise him.

A slight flutter stirred within her. She begins to fret. Would Elliot be mad that she left without a single goodbye? Does he look any different? Does she? Maybe a small haircut and she probably lost some weight but nothing drastically noticeable. Her grip on the strap of her duffle tightens as she watches the night pass by her. Every streetlamp, every house, every terrain reminds her that the cab is getting closer to Elliot's apartment - closer to Elliot. She closes her eyes and exhales then inhales.

Exhale.

Inhale.

"Ma'am…ma'am," the voice is so distant, almost like an echo but it slowly becomes closer.

Olivia is quick to open her eyes, unaware of the fatigue she had. Her vision focuses on the driver with an innocuous smile.

"This is your stop."

The butterflies still flutter against the walls of her stomach. Elliot's apartment lights glow from across the street. She doesn't look. She can see them from the corner of her eye. Her focus goes back to the patient driver. She returns his harmless smile and gets out of the car to access her pocket. Feeling the pavement underneath her makes her feel more at home than she did back at the airport. The summer air fills her lungs. Her hand reaches into her the pocket of her jeans but she freezes when she hears a familiar voice.

All too familiar.

Only her eyes follow the sound to two figures across the poorly illuminated path across the street. The taller one is Elliot. She doesn't need a light to recognize his every feature. Her lips tug into a pleased smile. He walks a second person up his stairs. A woman. She's not Kathy. She's thinner than Kathy and her hair is red, long, and wavy. Olivia's smile slowly decreases with every inch closer they get, every touch they give one another, and every word that fills the air.

With her hand still in her pocket, she grips tighter onto the bundle of cash she intends to give to the cabdriver.

Elliot doesn't recognize Olivia across the street. He's focused on this new one.

This replacement.

He pulls her close to him. He kisses her pretty lips while his strong arms wrap around her skinny abdomen. Her hands cup his face and she immerses herself in his kiss. His hands buried in the back pockets of her jeans while he shows off this surprise.

Olivia watches. She can only watch.

She can't move. She can't speak.

Her excitement is replaced with belittlement and folly. She manages to release her grip on the cab fare and slide her hand out of her pocket and rest it on the open car door.

This has to be a dream. She shifts a little on her other foot. Her knee brushes against the blue duffle that rests on the seat. She left New York. She left her job. She left her life for a little bit. She's not dreaming.

What else has changed?

Elliot pulls away from his new lover to find his house keys. While she kisses his neck, he looks out at his visitor. Hair shorter. Waist thinner. She's still beautiful.

Spotted.

His eyes widen a little and he makes a feeble attempt to walk towards her. He suddenly wants to touch her, to make sure she's actually there and it's not tonight's alcohol teasing him.

A slow summer breeze rushes through her hair and gently strikes her cheek.

"Elliot, what's going on?" The woman asks. She looks over her shoulder, "Who's that?"

Olivia retreats back into the cab with full knowledge of Elliot venturing across the street to reach her. She closes the door and leans against the seat with a deep exhale. The driver looks at her from his rearview mirror, with some understanding of what went on.

"For what it's worth, ma'am. I'm not going to charge you for the standing time."

She nods, "Just drive," she says with a broken voice, "Please."

She was going to surprise him.


	2. Return

**Chapter Two: Return**

She's back. She's here. She's in his life again.

Elliot nearly stumbles into the squad room in urgency to see Olivia again. Nobody notices but that's the least of his worries. He expects to see her catching up on her missed work. He looks for her to be sitting comfortably at her desk.

He doesn't.

Instead he sees Cragen talking to Fin and Munch on the phone.

Her desk – unoccupied.

All sounds around him don't matter expect the heavy breathing from his commotion.

"Elliot." He looks towards Cragen, "What's the matter with you?"

"Olivia," He breathes, "Where is she?"

"I told you she was out for a while. Are you all right?"

"No, I saw her. Last night." Physically, he appears to be calming down, inside, he's hysterical.

"Didn't you go out with Lucy last night?" Munch asks once he hangs up the phone. Elliot tries not to get irritated at the sudden change of subject.

"Yeah," Elliot exhales as he sits down. Munch purses his lips and returns to what he was doing. When he gets the idea Elliot doesn't want to talk about it, he doesn't meddle. Elliot glances at Olivia's empty desk again.

No Olivia.

No joy.

He saw her. She was there – standing behind the cab only a few feet away from him. He was so close to her before she sped off. He didn't even drink that much last night - only a bottle and a half of beer. He was not hallucinating.

He picks up his phone and dials her cell phone.

"_You've reached Olivia Benson; sorry I missed your call but leave your name and number and I'll return your call as soon as possible. Thanks!"_

_Beep._

She was there. He saw her.

He tries her home phone.

"_You've reached Olivia Benson; sorry I missed your call…"_

He hangs up and leans back in his chair.

"Elliot, your new partner should've been here by now."

This is his fourth new partner since Olivia left. All men. Two of them got on Elliot's nerves. The other two weren't so bad. One was a cocky bastard while the other was a lazy prick. Elliot is content with another male partner, though. He met Dr. Lucy Hutchinson while on a case a few days after Olivia left. He knew it was wrong to flirt while working but she was a very beautiful woman and seemed to be attracted to him as well.

"What's his name?" Elliot asks, a little uninterested, while he studies the report.

A man and his wife were found raped and killed during a fundraiser thrown by a successful hotel owner. This is the third killing at that hotel. Each murder took place at a special event with a large crowd though the hotel made sure the news never got out to their guests. A wedding will be held there in two days.

"_Her _name is Christine Gray. You'll need a woman for this case."

Elliot looks up, unable to object or complain.

Lucy doesn't get jealous, does she?

He's about to find out.

The rest of the day seems to drag for Elliot. Although there's a great deal of hustling and bustling around the precinct, he doesn't seem to immerse himself in the rapid activity. Sure, he would go out for a thing or two but there was emptiness in the milieu of it all. Now that he's fully aware Olivia is somewhere in the city, there's a strong pang inside him that nothing, not even Lucy, can heal.

Elliot doesn't want to go home. If he did, he would wind up looking over this new case, wondering about this Christine. Is she pretty? Is she reliable? He doesn't want to trouble himself with such silly questions so late at night. That's something he has to wait for during the day, when he's actually expecting her to arrive.

The rain hits him as soon as he steps outside. It's a steady mixture of wind and water. Elliot shields himself from the storm while he scurries to his car. The warmth fills his chilled, damp, body and in the same moment, he drives off.

Destination unknown.

Elliot doesn't know where he wants to go or what it is he wants to do. He just drives. Maybe it's the new, free, independent, part of him that reassures him he doesn't have to go home as soon as he leaves work so he'll be in the clear of nagging. Perhaps the fact that he's witnessed Olivia leave his sight, uncovers the layer of deferred feelings he has for her. With the layer pushed aside creates a whole new drive to find her.

The rain pounds against his windshield and makes the road ahead of him a bit hazy. Not hazy enough to clearly see an unaccompanied individual step out of the corner grocery store and hesitantly step into the rain.

Almost in an instant, he turns the corner and follows her path on the sidewalk. He slows down when he reaches her.

"Liv!" He calls her over the rain, "Liv get in!"

She stops and looks over at him, a little alarmed but then she looks into his eyes. That whole night replays in her head. Arriving at his house only to see his hands all over someone else and giving a heat to the bubbling anger inside of her. She has no right to be mad at him, or at all for that matter, so why is her blood rushing and her jaw clenching?

"I'm okay, Elliot. I can walk the rest of the way - it's not that far." The excuses pour out of her like a new faucet. They flow out smoothly and won't stop until she has no need for them anymore.

"You'll catch a cold. Come on," Elliot persuades and opens the passenger door.

"El-"

"I'm not leaving until your ass is in this car," Elliot interrupts.

It's like she never left.

She looks to her left, contemplating the distance between Elliot's car and her apartment. She feels the wet plastic grow heavy in her hand. Finally, she occupies the passenger seat next to him.

It's when he drives in the opposite direction that she realizes he's not taking her home like she hoped. She protests - giving him her "new faucet" excuses on why she has to go home. It's not that she wants to avoid Elliot; she just doesn't want to bring up, well, _her_ - or anything else that is producing the strain between them. She doesn't want to admit it but she's jealous. She's jealous of this beautiful redhead and scared. Scared to find out what's been going on and she doesn't even know half of what she missed.

He parks in front of the first bar that isn't crowded and obnoxiously loud.

"What are you having?" Elliot asks when they occupy the first booth they see.

"Whatever you're having," Olivia replies simply. It's late and she's too tired to put a lot of thought into a drink she might not even finish.

Elliot sets down two bottles of Budweiser, Olivia's first. He slides in across from her.

The awkwardness sets in. The alcohol sits there for support.

"When did you come back?" Elliot asks.

There's a twinge inside of Olivia. The topic she wanted to avoid the most is the first to be discussed. The topic that'll precede into other topics that she doesn't want to talk about.

"Last night." Olivia subtly shivers and pulls her wet hair back.

She contemplates how she can bring up this mystery woman without arousing any suspicion in Elliot. In the mean time, she'll have to bring up something else.

"I got your calls, your messages. Only on my cell, though." The regret coats Olivia's words like icing on the perfect wedding cake. She doesn't look at him while she speaks, only swishes around the liquid in the bottle before taking a guilty sip.

The music takes over while Elliot thinks of a response and composes his reaction, "Why didn't you return them?"

So many other questions hide behind that single one. What has she been doing for the time she's been gone? He feels like a part of his life with her is missing and it'll take forever to try and get it back.

"I don't know," she whispers and takes another drink while searching for a better reason, "I guess I was just busy."

Another sip of guilt for lying to him. She knows perfectly well why she didn't return his messages. All those moments when she would stare at her phone, unable to explain to Elliot why she suddenly vanished, again. Every time she would stare at his pre-dialed number and worry about the question coming up. Every e-mail that she wrote to him but never sent, fearful of what he would think.

She looks up at him with the opening still at her lips. Is he buying it?

He's only staring at her with the bottle, midair, in his hand.

"What?" She licks the beer residue off of her lips.

He doesn't respond instantly. He tries to pick out the right words to use; none of them work. So he settles with, "Do you want another beer?"


	3. Attraction

**Chapter Three: Attraction **

Two beers eventually turned into three and they are both feeling it - Olivia more than Elliot.

By then the awkward ice has been shattered, melted, and drained for good. They laugh like nothing was wrong in the first place. The alcohol encouragement helps Olivia tell her stories smoothly. For the past half an hour, she told Elliot tales of her job from when she was out of town – in Boston as a temp for another police station.

"And it was all over my desk and chair! A complete mess!" She laughs. Even slightly intoxicated, her laugh still enters his ears like the sweetest sound. Elliot joins in her laughter; clearly amused at her lack of experience in places other than the Special Victims Unit. Their laughter dies down but the energy from each other's company continues to grow.

"So," she begins again and sips from her near empty beer, "How long have you been seeing Lucy?" She has to know; the question burns inside of her like the hottest of flames. Olivia has never been the one to pry into anybody's relationships but this is different.

"About a month and a half," Elliot answers, not at all disturbed by her question. He finished his beer and pushes the empty bottle to the edge of the table.

Olivia nods slowly and swallows the last bit. She stares at the Budweiser label, considering another one.

Not a good idea; she's just beginning to lose a little bit of her judgment.

* * *

><p>The two walk down the damp street in the chilly night. Both agreed that it wasn't a good idea to drive, that Elliot could take a cab home and pick up his car the next morning. Olivia even thought of him staying with her for the night but, even though they had a nice time at the bar, things just weren't at that level yet. Her leave broke off a part of their friendship that would need a lot of repairing. So far, it's off to a good start.<p>

They discuss a lot of things while they slowly walk back to Olivia's apartment. The whole time they talk, Lucy is never mentioned. They talk about different happenings from both ends - Elliot and his events at the precinct and Olivia with her adjustments to her previous job.

It's Elliot's turn to ask the dating questions, "Did you meet anybody?" He asks casually, though he anticipates the answer.

Strangely, he expects her to say no, she couldn't stomach getting involved with someone. As his expectation grows, he wants her to say something along the lines of she couldn't live with any other man in her life besides Elliot. That it was so hard to drink beer with someone else. Elliot mentally punches himself, this is a stupid thought and it is most likely the aftermath from the beers, even though he doesn't feel drunk at all.

"I went on a few dates," Olivia says. She looks at the wet pavement as she walks, "Maybe two or three, each with different guys. None of them worked out."

Elliot makes a sound of neutral interest, "What happened?"

"The first one, Peter, was nice. I met him through one of my coworkers but he was just distracted the whole night." She met Elliot's curious gaze, asking her what the distraction was with his eyes.

"By every other woman in the room." Olivia keeps the eye contact with him until Elliot nods.

"Ian worked at a grocery store I'd visit often. We didn't have strong chemistry and the date was a little awkward. Then, there was Eliot but it just didn't work out." Olivia smiled warmly, but the mere mention made Elliot's eyebrows rise.

Elliot felt his jaw move to say something but he simply relaxed and kept walking.

She's glad he doesn't prod and ask anything about this other Eliot. She didn't want to tell him how well it worked out with them; it was a great night. Except when they went back to his place and began having sex. When she would say his name, her mind would flash over to Elliot. Eventually, she became uncomfortable. All desire and lust that he had worked into her body completely vanished. Ultimately, Olivia had to end the night early with a series of apologies as she collected her clothes and escaped his apartment flat.

Her memories stop when she feels something warm brush against her hand. Her fingers twitch, wanting to feel the warmth again but for longer. Blinking, she realizes it's only a simple sweep of his hand. Nothing more.

* * *

><p>He walks up the stairs to her apartment but stops at her door, declining her offer to come inside. As much as he wants to, he just couldn't. Although the buzz is slowly wearing off, it's still there along with the temptation. He gives, what he finds, a half-assed excuse about how he has to work in the morning. She seems to buy it with no suspicion.<p>

"I guess I'll see you around, then," Olivia says and shifts from one foot to the other.

A pang of disappointment hits Elliot right in the gut. She doesn't mention anything about coming back to work, saving him from another temporary partner. Just a simple "see you around". To Elliot, this translates to, "see you on another rainy night when I'm leaving the grocery store."

Who knows when that'll be?

He does his best to hide his disappointment, to suck it up and smile. He had a great time with her tonight and he's not going to let that high feeling leave him so easily and soon.

She doesn't say anything else. Simply, she shifts back and forth on her feet. She's waiting for him to ask her about when she's returning, only for her to tell him that she doesn't know. He'll tell her to make up her mind fast because he misses her.

Then he'll kiss her goodnight.

Olivia blinks out of her fantasy. That's never going to happen.

The jingling of her keys breaks the silence between them. Olivia turns her lock and opens her door. She smiles back at Elliot.

"Goodnight, El," she says in an almost whisper. She half smiles and turns to her dark apartment.

"Liv." She stops and turns around.

He grasps her forearm and pulls her into his chest. Her body gently crashes against his and instantly, she feels that warmth she felt when his hand brushed hers but this time, it is ten times stronger. Her cheeks flush when his arms coil around her waist. Her shirt rides up and his leather covered arms press against her bare flesh.

He refuses to let her leave him again.

She doesn't know how long the hug is lasting, five seconds or five minutes or something in between but everything seems to stop. She closes her eyes and let his scent infiltrate her nose. Mostly the masculine smell of his aftershave but there's a hint of that familiarity she's grown to admire from being around him for so long.

She's missed it.

Her eyes open when she feels the cool draft replace Elliot's warmth. She's staring into his eyes, unable to get a read on him. He doesn't say anything that helps her out.

"I should-" Elliot begins but trails off and points back to the stairwell.

"Yeah," Olivia says, still in a daze from the hug.

She turns back toward her apartment and looks at Elliot, walking backwards to make sure she's inside and safe.

A sad smile crosses her face as she watches him go. Sure, she can give him a call and set up another night for the two of them to go out but there's that missing piece of the puzzle - the piece that can fill her longing for a little more than just a hug from Elliot.

Elliot smiles and waves one more time before disappearing down her steps.

She returns the goodbye and closes the door behind her.


	4. Release

**Chapter Four Release**

She is sitting at her kitchen table when he calls.

"Come get drinks with us," he suggests.

"I'm a little busy, El," she lies. She rarely ever lies to Elliot and lying to him right now makes her shift uncomfortably in her seat. The reason why she's so quick to give Elliot a half-assed excuse is beyond her. Maybe because the "us" used to consist of him and Olivia. Now it doesn't.

"Doing what?" He asks.

She doesn't answer. Her fingers rotate in a circular motion while the red pen moves around the job offering.

He continues anyway.

"Lucy has a friend coming and we thought it'd be nice for you to come too." He stops for a second and there's some indistinct chatter in the background "He's single," he continues with a defeated sigh.

The mention of "we" sends an unwanted pang inside of Olivia. "We" includes him and Lucy as a couple. They're making decisions together, small ones but they'll eventually grow into major decisions and that scares her a little bit.

It was never like this with Kathy.

"So, what, are you trying to set me up on a date or something?" She's kidding. She even laughs to make it clear but the silence on the line shows that he isn't.

"Elliot-" She begins.

"No, Liv. I'm not. Well, Lucy is but you don't have to go out with the guy, just hang out with us."

"Fine," she sighs and hangs up after a quick goodbye.

It's been a week and a half since Elliot caught Olivia in the rain that night. A week and a half since he gave her that longing hug in front of her apartment door. She still feels the sparks he gave her that night whenever she thinks about him.

_Just go back, Olivia. Stop being a coward. _She tells herself as she stares down at the number of ads she circled. She taps the end of her marker against the table while she thinks. Then, she circles the last ad before going to her shower.

* * *

><p>The group is seated around a circular, tall, bistro table towards the back of the bar. Olivia quietly sips her beer across from Elliot and Lucy and next to Lucy's friend, Jason – Jase for short.<p>

Jase stands about three or four inches taller than Olivia with a fit body. It's obvious he's not one with sports but he keeps himself healthy. His, wavy, jet-black hair stops with a soft curl on his hairline. A pair of frameless glasses covers his green eyes and rests comfortably on his slightly curved nose. His clothes show that he came to the bar straight from work. His, light blue, business shirt is rolled up to his elbows, exhibiting his silver Rolex. His navy blue tie hangs loosely around his neck, showing the first few unbuttoned buttons on his shirt. He has somewhat of a square face with a firm jaw and a slight Irish accent along with a deep voice when he speaks.

Jase and Olivia don't converse much throughout the night. Both of them do most of the listening while Lucy and Elliot share stories of their own lives and their life together.

Olivia wasn't surprised when she noticed how beautiful Lucy is as she met up with the group. She already recognized her long, red, hair and skinny frame but Lucy has ivory skin and is a few inches taller than Olivia. Her icy blue eyes almost match Elliot's except a little brighter. Much like her friend, Jase, Lucy sports an accent of her own. She was born and raised in London and her mother married a Scottish man when she was five. She and Jase went to college together and have been friends ever since.

Olivia listens while Lucy goes on about a party she went to in college. She describes how crazy it was.

"Jase, you remember that, don't you?" She asks him but doesn't give him a chance to respond instead, she keeps talking.

Olivia looks over at Elliot who is seemingly interested in what she has to say. Then, she feels a small nudge on her arm. She looks down to see a tiny napkin next to her hand with writing on it.

_I was never there. I have no idea what she's talking about, _it reads. Olivia looks over at him and chuckles. He gives her a crooked smile and then returns to Lucy's story.

Lucy stops talking when she hears someone's phone ring. Elliot excuses himself from the table and walks to the front of the bar with his phone pressed to his ear. Olivia can tell by the tone of his voice it's most likely Cragen. The urge to follow him and ask him what's happening is strong.

But she doesn't do that anymore.

"Olivia." She turns to Lucy giving her an once-over, "Were you in a hurry to leave or something?"

Olivia furrows her eyebrows but smiles politely, "Excuse me?"

"You're such a beautiful woman but the outfit…your outfit doesn't show that at all."

"Lucy!" Jase exclaims.

"What? I was simply asking a question." She turns back to Olivia for an answer.

"Um, no, I wasn't in a hurry," Olivia replies.

Lucy purses her lips and then nods, "I see. Well, us girls will just have to go on a little shopping trip, now don't we?" She laughs a little but it's clear she couldn't be any more serious. She silences herself for a moment while she sips her drink.

Olivia only smiles and stares back at her, behind her smile is her rising temper but she tries to maintain it. As much as she doesn't want to admit it, Lucy's fashion sense is outstanding.

"I've always wanted a big white wedding," Lucy discloses as soon as she finishes her second drink. Her eyes dart to Olivia, "Are you married?"

"No." Olivia smiles a tight smile. Lucy knows very well that Olivia is single, drunk or not.

"What are you waiting for?" Her eyes go to Jase and her chin rests on her palm, "Neither is Jase, here! He's always wanted a wife. You two should get married."

What is she? Eight?

Jason gives her an angry glare.

"Oh don't give me that. You know it's true," Lucy slurs.

Olivia glances over at Elliot. He's still on the phone but his eyes meet hers. He smiles at her. She smiles back.

"You guys should get married when Elliot and I get married. We can have a double wedding," she continues.

Olivia's eyes dart to Lucy and then she feels a knot in her stomach. She tries her best to dismiss it by telling herself it's the alcohol talking.

"You're drunk. Let's get you home." Jase stands and takes her elbow in her arm.

"I am not!" She snatches away her arm, "I want Elliot to take me home!" She staggers over to Elliot. When she reaches him, he hangs up his phone and looks at her while she slurs something to him.

"You know she's trying to set us up," Jase tells her, "It's pretty ridiculous."

Olivia looks over at him and smiles. He looks back at her, not minding her studying him quietly. Olivia keeps the smile on her face but when she realizes that she's staring, her smile vanishes and she looks back at Elliot and Lucy.

Within minutes, goodbyes are said and everybody goes their separate ways. Olivia begins to walk down the dimly lit street when she hears Jase calling after her. She turns to see him running toward her.

"I was wondering if you wanted someone to walk with," he tells her when he catches up to her.

"You live in the opposite direction," she states and lifts her eyebrow.

He shrugs and gives her a half smile.

"I'm fine, Jase," she tells him.

"Don't let what Lucy said get to you. She's just saying shit."

Olivia thinks about what he says and then nods, "Okay. Goodnight." She turns back around and continues walking home.


End file.
